Today is Liam's 1st Birthday. I honestly can't tell you where this last year has gone...all I can say is it has absolutely flown by! I wrote Liam's birth story months ago but have only shared it with Heath and my doula friend Emily. So to celebrate Liam's birthday I decided I would post it for my friends to read. Happy birthday buddy!
Liam, your birth story really begins with your brother and sister’s births. Hayleigh’s birth was a long drawn out induction with an epidural, shoulder dystocia, and almost a week in NICU for unnecessary reasons that could have been avoided. Hayden’s birth I thought would be better, I had more information, I had a plan, and I was going to avoid NICU time. However I still was induced, got an epidural, and that led to your brother moving into the birth canal before he was ready and his cord wasn’t in the right place. This led to my emergency cesarean and my quest for positive birth stories and what I could do to make the next time better. I found many stories of moms being pushed into c sections or choosing interventions that led to more interventions that led to c sections.
I decided (about a month after Hayden was born actually)
that I would have a VBAC with you. There
was never a doubt in my mind that I could do it. But I knew that I would need support. Before we conceived you I messaged the only
doula in our area- Emily Zieser and told her that we would be hiring a doula
with our next baby. I really liked Emily
from the get go and knew that she would be a great fit for us. At our first prenatal appointment with Dr.
Hunter (he was our OB for your brother and sister as well) we discussed VBAC
and he said he was on board if that was what I wanted.
This pregnancy was my easiest by far. I was comfortable, content, and not afraid of what was to come. Emily teaches HypnoBirthing and we took her class and read the book. It gave me even more confidence in the fact that my body was made for this, despite the type 1 diabetes, previous cesarean, and difficult first vaginal birth. I kept telling myself, “I’ve got this!” I began to look forward to the beautiful day that you would come earthside and join our family. I think my favorite part of Hypnobirthing is that going back in history…birth wasn’t always painful. It became painful when birth supporters were removed and women began to fear birth. Birth doesn’t have to be painful, it isn’t something to fear. With your daddy, Emily, and our supportive care team I knew we could do this.
Near the end of the 2nd trimester/beginning of
the 3rd you settled into birthing position and I was very
excited! You were facing the right way
and not posterior! Hayleigh and Hayden
were both born posterior and your brother has the scar to show for it…the surgeon
cut his cheek because he was sunny side up.
I kept hoping to avoid induction because I wanted to go into labor on my
own and avoid Pitocin at all costs since I was going to go through labor with
no pain medication. My body started
doing practice surges quite often around 36 weeks. At around 37 weeks I actually called Emily because
I was having surges every 5 minutes or so.
They weren’t super super intense but every now and then I did have to
use relaxation breathing with them. Turns
out they went away by morning but I was excited because my body was doing its
job getting ready for your arrival.
By the time Sunday rolled around I was still having surges
but nothing intense and they didn’t pick up.
So we just relaxed. At this point
I was convinced you were posterior because of where you were now kicking. I was upset and had a period of
self-doubt. Your dad talked me through
it and told me I could do it. I was
scheduled to be induced on Monday and I was disappointed I wasn’t going to get
to do it all on my own. I ate the rest
of the labor cookies Emily made for me and fell asleep doing the Rainbow
Relaxation track from our Hypnobirthing CD.
Monday we woke up at 5 am to get everything finalized and
say good bye to Hayleigh and Hayden.
Grandma Dee was staying with them until HJ went to school and Papa Bill
got off work to take over. We met Emily
and headed up to Iowa City. As we
checked in I was surprisingly relieved I wasn’t in the biggest birth suite that
I had labored in with Hayleigh and Hayden.
I think I just liked that it was a clean slate from the other room. The doctor came in and she happened to be one
of my doctors I had while in labor with Hayden.
She was on board with my birth plan and completely supportive of my
desire to VBAC. I told them that I
thought you were posterior and they brought in an ultrasound to make sure you
were head down. You were head down but
sure enough your little face was right there.
She checked me and I was dilated to a stretchy 3! MY BODY DID IT! I DILATED ON MY OWN! I had never done this before and it was such
a triumphant moment for me.
We decided to place a foley bulb and try nipple stimulation
to see if we could ramp up the surges that I was already having. I was having surges but they weren’t getting
any more intense. Emily and I walked the
halls while Heath did some editing on his computer. I wanted to get things going on my own, I was
afraid they were going to start pushing interventions. I decided to get in the shower for a bit
mostly for something to do and I felt like I wasn’t being productive. The shower did help with surges I could feel
them coming a little bit more. At around
2 pm the doctor came in and asked if I would be ok with starting a low dose of
Pitocin to get things moving. I told
them I was ok with that as long as I decided when to turn it up so I could
listen to my body. They were ok with
that so we started it. I’m not sure our
nurse quite knew what to think of my requests…she wasn’t really on board until
Emily had the idea to put my birth plan on the stand with the computer (it was
in my file but I don’t think she saw it).
She read it and then was much better with us. She also tried to tell me that you would have
to go to the nursery to have your blood sugars monitored. This was the absolute one thing I wanted
desperately to avoid and I made that known.
So the doctor had the pediatrician team come in to talk to me. They said that it was standard procedure to
test babies of type 1 diabetic mothers in the nursery after birth. I told them that I wanted you to stay with me
so I could nurse you on demand to avoid the low blood sugars that they were
worried about. They decided that since
it was so important to me they would see if the nurse could test you in my
room. I was fully prepared to tell them
I have been diabetic for 23 years if you won’t test my son IN my room then I
can test him myself! But luckily we
didn’t end up having that argument and it was settled. After that stress I decided I would try to
nap before things got more intense.
When I woke up surges were picking up and Emily had me doing
some positions to see if we could turn you back to the anterior position. I really just felt like walking so I’m pretty
sure we ended up walking several miles in that little circle! Soon it was dinner time and I ordered some
food and we kept walking. By the time it
got here the surges were getting more intense but I was still able to eat, walk
and talk through them. However about
halfway through eating I decided I couldn’t eat anymore and needed to
MOVE! So again we went walking. Soon I was having to stop and breathe through
my contractions. Emily and your daddy
were great company and several times people said I was far too happy and
comfortable to be in labor. At this
point (and many other points) I was grateful to have Emily there. Just her presence gave me the confidence that
I was doing this and things were going to go great. We went back to the bed to try positioning
again to get you to flip. While in what
I call the superman pose surges really picked up intensity. I knew at this point things were really
happening. One of the doctors came in
and asked if it was ok if he checked me.
He said that if I hadn’t made any progress that I would need to turn the
Pitocin up. At this point it had only
been turned up to 7 (as a reference with Hayleigh and Hayden it was turned up
to the upper 20s-30ish). I told him
things were most definitely going on but he could go ahead and check me. He did and I was at a 6 and my bags were
bulging. He asked if I wanted him to
break them and I told him no…they would do it on their own. Sure enough not too long after I felt the pop
and warm gush that I knew meant my waters had released. At this point I looked at Emily and asked her
if I was far enough to get in the tub.
She said yes and went to get it ready for me and Heath helped me breath
through my surges.
Once in the tub I tried sitting like I normally would in the
tub but that just NOT cutting it. I had
to be on my hands and knees. At this
point I really focused and in my “birth world” and was not very aware of
anything going on around me. I know your
daddy was by my head rubbing me and helping me breath. Emily, bless her heart was putting pressure
on my lower back which was amazingly helpful.
I had my eyes closed and pictured myself in a green warm grassy
meadow. Which is funny because during
our Hypnobirthing classes I really felt like this would help me the least. But there I was using the technique. And then before I knew it I was feeling the
urge to breathe you down. I knew I
couldn’t deliver you in the tub but I knew you were still high so I listened to
my body and began to gently breathe you down.
I was nervous about this part from class because all I’d ever done is
pushed when I was told to push. But it
was much better doing it this way! It
felt good to breathe you down when my body told me to. I think you began to turn sometime in this
time because I could feel some twisting going on. Emily encouraged me to listen to my body and
if it was telling me to breathe you down to go ahead and do so. At some point the nurse must have come by the
door and realized what I was doing because she said in a shocked voice “Is she
pushing? SHE’S PUSHING! You have to get
out of the tub!” I really didn’t think
it’d be possible for me to move at that point.
Emily and Daddy helped me out of the tub and slowly but sure
I made my way to the bed between surges.
At this point I was the most thankful that Emily was there. I was convinced I couldn’t move another step
(why was the bed so far from the bathroom?!), another surge was coming and she
grabbed my face, put her forehead against mine and breathed through that surge
with me. This simple act gave me the
strength to walk the rest of the way to the bed. I managed to get on the bed and laid on my
side. I’m not sure how much time passed
but it seemed that my surges slowed a bit here.
I began to feel the need to breathe you down again and began to do
so. The doctor kept asking me to lay on
my back but there was no way on earth I could do that and I knew it wouldn’t be
good for either one of us so I simply told him, “No.” every time he asked. Your daddy laughs about it and said the
doctor wasn’t sure what to think of me, all calm with my eyes closed, simply
responding “No.” It definitely wasn't like what you see in the movies of women with no pain medications. I wanted to hold one
leg up so I was in a sort of squat on my side so someone must have gotten a
squat bar on the bed. Daddy also told me
the doctor was freaking out about breaking the bed down. I don’t remember much of this part but I
guess he did get it broken down and was happy.
I think he was a newbie or had never had a mom who didn’t want to push
on her back. Anyway at this point I was
very focused on breathing you down. It
came to a point where my body wasn’t wanting to do the easy breathing down
though…there was a lot of oomph behind it!
Soon you were crowning and then you were here. They placed you on my chest and there you
stayed. You were beautiful,
perfect. I looked at your daddy and back
at you, kissed you, and said, “I did it!”
Liam your birth was such an amazing, healing, and empowering
journey. I love you bitty boy.
Love,
Your mama
